How I Met Your Mother
- Joel Kimpela
- May 16, 2021
- 4 min read
Updated: Sep 1, 2021
I met Kim my freshman year at Georgetown University in Copley Hall. It would be an understatement to say Kim was an extravert. Her New York, Bronx accent could always be heard across Copley Hall. Kim was friendly with everyone. She wanted to know about you, your major and where you were from. This kind hearted personality of hers even earned her “The spirit of Georgetown” award.
We began to spend a lot of time together and our conversations, whether serious or silly, always flowed with such ease. We didn't start dating until our sophomore year of college and looking back I was glad for it because God had to do some work in both of us. Sometimes God won’t give us the things we desire most until He knows we are ready for it.
Fast forward, Kim and I have been married 4 years and we pray for many more years to come but we’ll be the first to share that marriage is hard. I love what our friend Mayra says, “a healthy marriage is founded on the understanding that hard times happen, it’s not perfect all the time, fights and strange nights happen. But you will get through it, grow through it, pray through and be better for it.”
Marriage is wonderful and rewarding, but marriage is hard and we don’t have to look far to see that. Almost 50 percent of marriages end in divorce, the rate has nearly doubled since the 1960s. With this fear in mind, fewer couples are choosing to marry and if they do marry there is a perception marriage will be miserable. Even Chris Rock puts it this way “Do you want to be single and lonely or married and bored?” I think as a society we have developed a skewed view of marriage because we fail to understand the meaning of marriage. But to understand the meaning, we have to first understand the problem with marriage.
Sin poses a problem to marriage which leads to the hardships within marriage. We all inherited sin from the first marriage that took place between Adam and Eve. Sin caused all of us to be self-centered and flawed, which is the opposite of which God intended us to be. Worst of all, sin caused a separation between us and God. Sin is also wider than we think. It not only affects us personally but also interpersonally with relation to others. As a result, marriage puts two imperfect people together who will always desire their own way. Sin makes every marriage hard. So, you might ask, why even get married? Well, Avoiding marriage will not make our lives any easier. Anything we choose to do will be hard. Marriage is hard, singleness is hard, and divorce is hard. Choose your hard.
The good news is God had a plan for sin. God himself, in the form of Jesus, came to earth to take on all human sin and suffered a death so that we might be forgiven for the sin we inherited. His death and resurrection proved that we can once again have that right relationship with Him that was previously intended for us. But more so through his death and resurrection we are no longer separated from God but we are reconciled to Him. This is what is referred to as the gospel.
The gospel paints a perfect picture of marriage. Those who “really understand the gospel undergo a radical change in the way they relate to people'' (Keller). Despite our selfishness and flaws, Jesus gave up his power and glory to demonstrate his love for us by dying on the cross on our behalf. This selfless and forgiving love, is the same love we ought to demonstrate to our spouse. I am convinced that this is the meaning of marriage. Through the gospel, “we see our spouse’s sins and flaws and yet [we choose] to love and accept our spouse fully” (Keller). Marriage was created to show us what God's love for us looks like. The hope of marriage is that both spouse would be a representation of Christ. When we show our spouse grace and forgiveness we reflect the same grace and forgiveness that was first shown to us by Christ.
The best marriage analogy I’ve heard is from my friend Orland. He says “marriage is like a car. Oftentimes you need to go get it serviced to keep it running.” I think Orland’s analogy means, marriage is a constant work in progress. Marriage requires work. Whether It's counseling, retreats, romantic getaways or bible studies with others, we need to do whatever it takes to keep the miles running. A couple weeks ago I asked a friend who's been married for 42 years, “how do you do it?” She replied, “day by day.” Marriage is loving our spouse the best we can, one day at a time. Then all of a sudden those days will start to stack up into weeks, months, years and before you know it you’ve been loving your spouse a lifetime.
If marriage is hard because of any form of abuse please seek help. God calls us to love our spouse as we would love ourselves (Ephesians 5:28-29). No one who loves themselves would harm themselves, instead they would look to love and care for themself. In the same way we ought to love and care for our spouse as we would love and care for ourselves. A wedding ring is a symbol of marriage and most rings are made of metal. In order to make metal, useless rocks are collected, filtered through water, grind and refined through heat. The mechanical process sounds a lot like marriage to me. The journey is rocky (pun intended) but the end result is something beautiful—a stronger and joyful marriage.
Keller, Timothy. The Meaning of Marriage: Facing the Complexities of Commitment with the Wisdom of God, Penguin Group, 2011.
Great read. Keep it up